Senri Private Convos

[frilly]

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[usogi]

[he was probably on his way back to taka's anyway but

. . . he wraps his arms around her, bringing her close and sighing softly]

.... mm-hmm. I think I'm going to sleep like a baby tonight.

[ . . . ]

Sorry I lied, Madopyon.

[frilly]

It's... Part of the game...

[ she sees the necessity of it. but she still hesitates before wrapping her arms around him. ]

Are you going to lie again?

[usogi]

[ . . . ]

If you don't ask me, then I won't have to.

But I'll say right now that I'm.... not sure what I'm going to do yet.

[frilly]

[ hrm. she didn't like that answer. Madoka steps back from him, slowly, even if her hands sort of trail down his arms like she doesn't want to. ]

It's okay to not know what to do.

[ ... but she can't say the same for lying to her. even if... logically, she understands... ]

[usogi]

[ . . . oh.]

.... Madopyon....

[he'll reach to hold onto her hands instead, holding them carefully and looking down at them]

... I really wanted to tell you, how excited I was to find out that we were both serving Sincerity together.

I'm sorry I didn't get to say that before.

[frilly]

I would have been excited, too.

[ she opens her mouth to say more

and then closes it again.

there's no point in asking if he'll be switching gods or not, now that his alignment got outed to everyone. he just said he doesn't know, and even if he did, he might lie. ]

[usogi]

[ . . . and senri will squeeze her hands.]

.... I'm a coward, so I think I have to run away for a little bit.

But - .... I think I want Sincerity to win. I made a promise with him.

So when I come back to his team.... I'll tell you.

[and he nods, more certainly]

You'll be the first person I tell. No lie.

[frilly]

[ madoka just stares at him, like she's trying to asses whether or not she believes him.

she would like to, at least. what she winds up saying is: ]

... I want you to be safe. If that means running away, I don't mind. I would rather you run away than get hurt, every time.

[usogi]

[ . . . and senri just offers her a smile, sad and sweet.]

... I have a plan where I'm going to try to protect as many people as possible.

I don't know if it's going to work... but I'm starting to think about it.

So... I know that I did something bad but.... I hope it's okay if I ask you to still trust me.

[frilly]

The more people you tell your plan, the more people could help.

[ ... but she's not asking.

after a pause, she adds, quieter: ]

I still trust you.

[usogi]

[ . . . . ]

I'm trying to ask people to switch around to cover for me, so it's not clear which god I'm going to. But it's messy, so it makes sense if they'll say no.

But you need to stay with Sincerity, so he can still have a good following.

So Madopyon can help by... just being Madopyon.

[frilly]

[ it's not like she wanted to leave Sincerity, but she still opens her mouth while he's in the middle of explaining his plan, like she's about to offer to help.

but she hears the rest and closes her mouth. ]

... If that's helpful, then... Okay.

[usogi]

[and senri smiles.]

... I'll let you know if I need your help Madopyon, I promise.

Even though I lied to you, and you told Shishimaru I was aligned with Beauty... that was helping me too. Because I wanted to keep Beauty safe - that's why I lied, and let you keep saying it even though I felt bad.

[ . . . ]

A lot of my plans end up.... messy.

[frilly]

[ madoka winces because - even if he'd been lying to her, and even if she only told who she trusted... it was still a secret that wasn't really hers to tell.

so in retrospect... can she really be that upset about being lied to...? ]

... Don't you think they would be less messy if you just told the truth from the start?

[usogi]

.... the truth is a pretty scary thing, you know? And sometimes it can make people really unhappy. So if it's for the sake of protecting others, and their feelings...

It's the only way that I know how to move forward. Especially in a place like this.

[frilly]

Did you protect me and my feelings...?

[ that answer doesn't fly so well with her, given. ]

[usogi]

[ . . . . ]

No, I didn't.

You're right - and I'm sorry you got hurt as a result.

But... I thought protecting Beauty was more important than a temporary untruth.

[frilly]

... I understand.

[ she shakes her head. it's her that keeps bringing it up, but she doesn't want to rub his face in it or anything. and she knows, she knows that this is a contest. that he's telling her anything at all is more than he should have to do. ]

I'm not mad.

[ for some reason she assumes that he would think she's mad and not sad?? ]

[usogi]

[and senri shakes his head]

... even though I don't want you to be mad, I don't want you to be sad, or feel like I don't trust you either.

I care about Madopyon a lot - sooooo much. I want to be friends with you forever.

[ . . . ]

I'm just still learning how to be friends more honestly.

[frilly]

[ once again, madoka opens her mouth to say something but

'I want to be friends with you forever' makes her snap it shut. when she does manage to speak, a long moment later, her voice trembles lightly. ]

D-don't worry. I have plenty of friends like that, already. So it's okay.

[ it's okay to get off on the wrong foot, and it's okay to struggle a bit. ]

I - I want to stay friends, too.

[usogi]

[he hears the tremble in her voice and pauses for a second. then he lowers himself slightly so that he can open his arms out to her again.]

.... we'll always be friends, Madopyon.

Almost family, even.

[frilly]

[ she shakes her head to decline the hug this time - mostly because she'd rather preemptively wipe at her eyes. ]

When this ends...

[ actually, Madoka trails off and shakes her head again, deciding against saying the rest of that thought. she forces a smile. ]

Mm-hmm. Family.

[usogi]

[ . . . ]

I won't make you tell me what you were going to say if you don't want to talk about it.

But.... I don't want Madopyon to have to carry difficult things by herself either.

[frilly]

... I don't want you to have to, either.

[ hm. ]

The idea of someone out there remembering me makes me happy. That's all.

[usogi]

[ . . . ]

Is this.... part of what you have to do? To reduce the entropy of the universe...

People don't really remember you?